The Absolute Worst Possible Day Ever

So I have a tendency to overreact. The littlest thing can send me into a spiraling maelstrom of completely unwarranted mental reactions, which naturally make the situation even more melodramatic. I thus suffer significant personal crises on an almost daily basis and frequently experience complete psychological breakdowns. These usually occur one to two days after the initial stimulus and in the most embarrassing places possible, like the line at the grocery store or at my lady parts doctor's office.

My overreactions also tend to make any mildly disappointing day into The Absolute Worst Possible Day Ever. I have these weekly. A quick synopsis of
The Absolute Worst Possible Day Ever:

4:00am - wake up to let small neurotic dog outside, where he will stand, trembling slightly and staring at me, whining faintly, for 15 minutes before peeing.
5:30am - let small dog out again, where he will unleash a volley of incredibly high-pitched yips specifically calibrated to wake the neighbors.
6:30am - get up for real.
6:35am - discover we are out of coffee (mild weeping may occur).
7:15am - leave for work.
7:16am - discover that I left bagged lunch on countertop in kitchen.
8:00am - arrive at work, glowering.
8:30am - 12:00pm - spend morning in haze of self-pitying resentment, where any little annoyance will significantly darken my mood and I will sigh loudly, profoundly, and frequently.
12:05pm - lunchtime, where I will discover that, in addition to my lunch, I left my wallet at home as well. I will be forced to scavenge like some feral creature in the office condiment drawer for a less than satisfying lunch of saltines and McDonald's barbecue sauce.
12:45pm - coworker will interrupt my lunch with minor problem that they could have handled themselves. Usually involves some aspect of Microsoft Office.
3:00pm - mandatory 2 hour staff meeting that I forgot to prepare for
5:00pm - leave work at crisp jog
5:15pm - hit traffic jam size of New Hampshire
5:17pm - discover all radio stations are playing non-stop Katy Perry marathon, decide universe is against me.
6:30pm - arrive home, find cats have peed on clean laundry.
6:31pm - dissolve into self-pitying blob, beg husband to order takeout for third night in a row, as I have just had The Absolute Worst Possible Day Ever.

Then, after having such an awful day, I will call up a friend to vent and garner some sweet, sweet sympathy. This conversation usually goes someone like this:

Me: "Uggggghhhhh, I just had the The Absolute Worst Possible Day Ever!!!!! We ran out of coffeeeeee and I had a sauce for luuuuuuuunch!!!!!! Pity meeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My long-suffering friend: "My grandma died and I got laid off."
Me: "...."

And everything pops into perspective. I vow to be more positive/sensitive to those around me and care more about other people. A sense of new life and purpose floods into me. I see myself as a ministering angel to those around me, spreading joy and peace and inspiration. I arrange my face into an understanding, soft smile. I glide about the house on wings of mercy, asking my husband, the pets, and the houseplants if there's anything I can do for them.

Then we run out of coffee again.

Fml.